Thursday, November 30, 2006

German Intellectuals

Strong work, Flora. I am now a sultry brunette.

Flora is my fabulous Armenian hairdresser at the Burbank mall, who has colored my hair platinum blonde, dark blonde, red and pink in the past. Not all at the same time, mind you, except for the red and pink. I had bright pink in the front (Vampire Red from Manic Panic) and dark red in the back this summer, which was awesome. Unfortunately, it takes forever to do the bleach/Manic Panic thing. If it didn't take 3+ hours, I would have lavender hair tonight instead of brown.

Although I'm not a lesbian (to the best of my knowledge...) I think women with blue eyes and dark hair are stunningly pretty, which is why I decided to implement the look on myself. Rachel Weisz? Stunning. Eva Green? Stunning. Also, Eva's Bond girl, Vesper Lynd, wears the same fragrance I do. That combined with my celebrity lookalikes should be all the proof anyone needs that I'm a fox. Ha!

I have had dark hair three or four times in the past. When I was 20, the woman who colored my hair went overboard, and my hair ended up nearly black. I was wearing a ridiculous pair of Armani eyeglasses at that stage in my life, and the glasses combined with the black hair made me look sort of hideous. At least I think I looked hideous. My friend Curtis thought I looked like a scary German intellectual. Black hair, weird frames... I see why he got that vibe, honestly. Flora, on the other hand, does better work. Now I just look like a natural brunette. With my current glasses, which are more restrained, I think I look completely non-threatening.

What else is new? Work: playing cops and robbers with DVD pirates (I'm the cop, obviously). Personal life: trying to understand why I only ever go on first dates. I alluded to insecurity about my looks in a previous post, but I don't think my looks are the problem -- unless I can't tell an honest statement from a baldfaced lie, which is certainly a possibility. On every Internet date I've had so far, the guys have told me I was "gorgeous," "pretty" or "40 times cuter than [my] photo." This is good, right? They can't all be lying to me, right? Which must mean that my personality is the problem. Bollocks.

I like my brother's advice: declare these dates victories and move on.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Gnarly, Dude!

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The West

Your accent is the lowest common denominator of American speech. Unless you're a SoCal surfer, no one thinks you have an accent. And really, you may not even be from the West at all, you could easily be from Florida or one of those big Southern cities like Dallas or Atlanta.

The Midland
North Central
The Inland North
The South
The Northeast
What American accent do you have?
Take More Quizzes

Friday, November 24, 2006


My co-blogger and brother Estifallen* is riding his bicycle up the California coast for the next couple (several?) weeks, so I spent Thanksgiving on my own. I think this was my fourth Thanksgiving spent alone, and I'm actually fine with that. As I get older, I care less and less about holidays. I haven't really celebrated my birthday since I turned 21 - and that involved drinking so much champagne with my friends that I was unable to read the menu by the time we went to dinner - and now Thanksgiving and Christmas are also beginning to lose their luster. I may finally have emerged from my cocoon as the bitchy cynic I was always destined to become. Awesome.

I had an appointment with my therapist yesterday. She's really starting to grow on me. I didn't know what I was getting myself into when I started seeing her. I thought maybe we'd do some cognitive behavioral therapy, but that is not her specialty. Instead we talk about my feelings. It took me a long time to get past my initial discomfort with the "feelings" stuff, but seeing her now is kind of like seeing a friend, albeit a more sophisticated, better educated friend than most of my actual LA friends. I'm reading The Beauty Myth, so we talked about that a bit. I think she may have gotten the impression that I'm insecure about my looks, which is not always the case. It used to be a big issue for me, but it has lately been superseded by insecurity about my personality brought about by Internet dating. I am undeterred, however, in my quest for a brilliant and witty boyfriend. It's a big step for me to look at dating as anything other than a competitive catfight. I think it's super unhealthy to look at other women as rivals. If a man is more interested in another woman than he is in me, I'm okay with that. I'm such a grown-up now, right? I'm certainly impressed with myself....

Naomi Wolf quotes William Butler Yeats in the Sex chapter of The Beauty Myth:

Only God, my dear
Could love you for yourself alone
And not your yellow hair.

I don't feel like writing anymore; I would prefer to drink a glass of wine and read blogs written by writers with talent and something to talk about besides me, me, me. I just felt like putting those three lines up because they are so totally creepy. By this time next week, I hope to be a blonde no more (speaking of yellow hair). I am strongly considering dark brown hair. I think I am less likely to be mistaken for a sunny optimist with darker hair. Going dark has the added benefit of getting my eyebrows tinted to match. I love, love, love dark eyebrows. Love them. Never had them, always wanted them. They give character to a face. Think Rachel Weisz (who I am totally crushing on, BTW) or Jennifer Connelly.

*"Estif" is how "Steve" sounds when spoken by native Latin American Spanish speakers.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Now I know why everyone mistakes me for Miss World

Party On, Garth.

Seeing the Democrats take back the House of Representatives has made me giddy. I'm drinking Bushmills and burning Armenia papers to celebrate. My apartment smells like a church. I'll have to go all-out if we win the Senate, too. I may even drink something French.

Those of you who visit this blog from time to time have undoubtedly noticed my 8-month absence. I haven't been traveling the world or writing the great American novel, I'm sorry to say. I've been hanging out deep inside my own brain, working through what my psychiatrist calls "OCD and depression" and my father calls "dogging it." You say "to-may-to," I say "to-mah-to," right? I'm feeling better lately, though. I've even started dating. Hooray for me! It's been a mixed bag, but I had an amazing date on Sunday night. Cross your fingers he's still interested in me now that he's sober.

Online Dating Tips

1.) I strongly advise against going out for drinks and a Robin Williams movie, but if you're going to do it, at least get the drinks first.